Host of Scam School for Discovery & Hacking The System for NatGeo. 2 Billboard #1 comedy albums ~New Show: The Modern Rogue~ youtube.com/modernrogue
We need to come up with a rad name for the collective of fine folks backing and enjoying The Modern Rogue. @BunnyEarsPod has "The Warren," the Whiskey Tribe is full of "Magnificent Bastards," and I swear to Ch-ILD I'd like to believe we can do better than "Rogue Nation."
Oh. Oh, my. I just discovered ytcropper.com and I'm so, so happy to be able to share just the very the best parts of Modern Rogue episodes. Like this one (30s): ytcropper.com/cropped/f85b4d… Now if only they allowed me to upload them directly to twitter...
live now for the Weird Things podcast. Man, it's been a hot minute since we had the whole team together! We're arguing about robots stealing all the jobs: twitch.tv/nightattack
RT @davidpots: @shwood You talking about this on the Rooster Teeth podcast was 🔥🔥🔥. For anyone who didn't hear that and wants to listen, Br…
I think it would be a lot of fun to experience the path that might have been, and realize how hard a job it would have been. I think... I think I'm saying it would be a really fun summer camp to visit the future I stepped away from, if only to see how much stuck and left in 20yr
BUT, I'd kinda like to explore the path that might have been. I rather liked my regular-ass job. and I can totally imagine a really fun short video series where we play catch-up to the alternate reality that might have been. Complete with phone-queues and biz casual attire.
True story: 20 years ago, @Dell computers gave me a very generous raise, and I realized: "oh, yikes. So this is how it happens: at some point the money gets so good that you can't walk away from it, and then you spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been." 1/
 
Turns out in this reality, things went pretty great. I toured 1,000 colleges, appeared internationally, did 30-40 TV appearances, Halloween Horror Nights, launched scam school and taught 250 million people some cool tricks, did 2 specials and a 10-episode series with Nat Geo...
it totally does. It's so, so super-completely haunted and I could not be more excited to show it to you. twitter.com/chinbeard/stat…
This may be an awkward introduction to our new neighbors. https://t.co/dpbNJz3Mht
We’re about to shoot our very first episode of Modern Rogue at the new headquarters, and it seems all too perfect that we’re learning blood spatter analysis. https://t.co/mYSzwRk11y
RT @TheFakistNews: Listen to @shwood as Consumer Affairs reporter Martin Zendler on a brand new FAKIST🤞! thefakist.com/episodes/03-wh… #Episodes…
Watched that 30-minute tour of the 7 acres I just bought. I really enjoyed re-experiencing the white-hot enthusiasm and optimism in the moment. When I'm 80, I hope I'm happy to revisit this one flashpoint where I thought I could take on the world. pscp.tv/w/1zqJVLojdkXKB
"We bought 7 acres to build a cult and then I taught for 2 days at Wizard Academy and then today I tried to do science with Macaulay Culkin but after the explosion I got scared and we ended the shoot early" is officially the strangest excuse I've given for a late email response.
Fun fact: the title of that episode was almost “Brian’s Brain Overclocks for Overwatch.” twitter.com/cantblindabat/…
Oh! Oh, hey! Hearthstone now supports iPhone X screens! When did that happen? I guess it’s been a minute since I played...
RT @BunnyEarsWeb: Our EIC @shawnwrites and bunnyboss @IncredibleCulk are heading east to Austin! Filming with @modernrogueshow and @shwood
I didn't expect this post, and it made my heart happy when I discovered it. reddit.com/r/Magic/commen…
This ten-second moment is my current favorite joke we've ever made on the modern rogue: youtube.com/watch?v=f8bXCs…
Yo: if you’re a mid-to-high level video game streamer and you know you don’t compete at the top level, but would love it if the whole world knew your name... watch today’s Modern Rogue episode and credit some gizmo with whatever wins you get. https://t.co/PvJ5r5EpHh
When your video is about the science of frying your brain with electricity but whatever let’s talk team strategies for Teamfortress and Overwatch. https://t.co/VBGXz3oE7J
In the entire history of human artistic expression, what’s the closest thing you can think of to a piece of art that is both: (a) worth a damn (b) received with universal acclaim
RT @Sunbun: @shwood I FUCKIN' KNEW IT
I spent all my money on a 7-acre compound to build a cult. Wanna shave your head and walk the property with me? pscp.tv/w/bhjshTEzMzI5…
Hey. In 20 minutes I'll take you on a live tour of the new Modern Rogue World Headquarters. Oh, hey! Also, here's this week's brand-new Modern Rogue episode... and it's exactly 20 minutes long! I fry my brain and temporarily go blind! (real thing!) youtube.com/watch?v=f8bXCs…
Yo— if you’d like to see me wander around what looks like the Paper Street house from Fight Club, describing a vision shockingly close to Project Mayhem, I’m gonna periscope a walkthrough of the new Modern Rogue World Headquarters in a couple hours. Join me, then?
It's a simple word, but when you do a google image search for it, the result seems just a bit... homogeneous for my taste. https://t.co/GBXBRmuRWT
RT @modernrogueshow: You can tell it’s science because there are so many wires. https://t.co/91GqY59kX0
RT @MatFrancoMagic: @shwood youtu.be/ANGcHxz3OFA “you’re the best” singer Joe Esposito sounding better than ever at age 70!!
Wait! Screwed that up. There are some real dicks out there. This should say: “All the *best* rich old successful people I know consider themselves none of those things.” twitter.com/shwood/status/…
All the rich, old, successful people I know consider themselves none of those things.
When you wake up and the first text you see confirms you married right. https://t.co/l9qZ7xlbzi
When I talk to Siri, why is it important that she cover the screen on my phone? There are moments I would like to read things off of that display, and it’s not helpful that my AI assistant turns off my monitor every single time she enters my office. Cc: @AppleSupport
I can think of a few absolutely moral and important situations where a person falls asleep thinking the words: “I hope the truth doesn’t come out.” I hope to experience none of them.
I dunno what’s so appealing to me about such an insane publishing format. I guess our official workflow on this is that @captainmurphy and I make an YouTube vid so we can receive a comment so I can try to be clever and then take a picture of that moment and share it on twitter? https://t.co/3GbJF3y1bC
Yo, diamond club! Anyone have a count on how many tattoos we’re up to? Has anyone made an official gallery or count? <> <> <> 😁
Nah. It’s a data point and possible superfan in the making. Whatever art I created lit a spark inside someone, and that energy exploded in the wrong outlet. It’s my job to shape our emerging asymmetrical friendship, and that begins by making him an ally by treating him kindly. twitter.com/pagan__metal/s…
Testing a potential strategy for dealing with trolls: just tell them what they meant to say, and then decide they said it. (I’ll let you know how it works out) https://t.co/le32ZDqPC2
There are no lessons in success. Only failure brings you the gift of improvement.
Wait! Hang on. I think I have a slightly better-formatted version on that last tweet. I’m going to post that version in case you want to share it. Also, this moment is a literal example of the point I was trying to convey.
There are no lessons in success. Every failure brings the gift of making you better than you were before.
RT @modernrogueshow: “electrical geniuses” https://t.co/HBo2WpTpsj
A lot of people totally thought that @CaptainMurphy and me just up and dropped our skeptical roots when we posted this. Just stick around to the halfway point. youtube.com/watch?v=IXu7tX…
Yes! Yes! Exactly this! and, like, hooked up to an arduino that followed a particular hashtag or some such? Wouldn’t that be fun and better than a bunch of monitors? twitter.com/darkphanlp/sta…
what do you call those mechanical alphanumeric displays with tiles that flip around until the right letter is shown? I think one’s at the beginning of “The Hudsucker Proxy”? It’d be pretty cool if MRHQ had one of those that displayed your tweets and chatroom words, live.
Twitter is what happens when you want a chat room, but only have the ability to send out press releases.
I like to use the emoji 😅 in business correspondence because it’s disarming, shows that I’m earnest, and clearly communicates that I require immediate medical attention for life-threatening anaphylaxis.
(also I didn't schedule that, but it felt right when I was writing it)
Scheduled this because I'm too embarrassed to tweet it while I'm awake. I think I'd be okay with working hard my entire life and then being dead, just as long as my family thought kindly of me and you guys always wished I wore more tank tops.
RT @shwood: @voltz420 ...but awakened your latent adoration of scrapbooking.
good point. Worth noting: yes you're scrapbooking like your mom, but also you get to put other people's scrapbooks in your scrapbooks (see below). And you also get to feel powerful by "liking" or "not liking" their scrapbooks. Twitter, people. ... Jesus. Fuck everything. twitter.com/WhiskeyNeon/st…
ah, christ. That disappointing moment that you realize that twitter is just your scrapbook. This whole time, you've been scrapbooking like your mom. ugh.
"They were really, really almost on to something." Okay on your gravestone or nah?
I swear to the 37 hells, @CaptainMurphy, if you don't recognize this as your own face and make it your avatar, we will have issues. twitter.com/MichaelRapapor…
I'm dumb and I don't know anything, but if you liked my response to that youtube person, you might be interested in watching me work shit out in front of a mostly empty room on the google campus. youtube.com/watch?time_con… twitter.com/zombozzy/statu…
RT @chrisramsay52: The best Youtube comment I’ve ever read. twitter.com/shwood/status/…
Did I mention the next total eclipse will happen on April 8, 2024, directly above the new property?
huh. really? *grabs notepad, begins writing* So, uh... where's this coming from, David? twitter.com/TheDMRagnarok/…
Jesus. What do you take us for? Some juke-joint second rate operation? DUH. Of course there will be! How else will level 7 initiates complete their required one-year "arc of condescension" and take the thousand-step walk over Groknar's bridge to see the scoundrel's ascention? twitter.com/alyloupar/stat…
oh, shoot! And a DJ setup. Because Jason and I should learn to spin the wax. I've got a really good feeling about all this. Wish me luck! twitter.com/shwood/status/…
..Some may question the big screen, but I assure you it's absolutely necessary for us to perform our mandatory "praise the day" 10-minute affirmations of loyalty. I figure acolytes can sleep 3 deep on top of each other while new scrubs subsist on eating removed deer ticks... twitter.com/shwood/status/…
..and the liger breeding project, and the weaponized capcaisin greenhouse, and the barracks, and the RPG repair facility, and the second (VIP only) helipad, and the house of corrections, and the ministry of "clearing things up", and a big, giant public address screen... twitter.com/shwood/status/…
Yikes. Now that I think of it, there's a good chance that a bunch of you don't know about the whole plan to build a Modern Rogue World Headquarters that you can visit, with tiger pits, and waterslides, and helipads, and Dance Dance Revolution machines, and Jolt cola on tap... twitter.com/shwood/status/…
Y'know, I really wrote that thinking that a bunch of you would know what I'm doing today, but on second thought that really could be one of those big, profound "first day of the rest of your life" things, and sure: seize the day and all that... But today I close on 7 acres, ATX. twitter.com/shwood/status/…
"You wanna know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton: I never saved anything for the swim back."
I dunno. I guess at least they know they were heard. https://t.co/n8nrm9vYPJ
I rather liked this person's take on correcting us. It felt like a very professional exchange. https://t.co/68qG0NIxWJ
In case you were wondering: yes, @greggrunberg is a national treasure and the world is a better place for his continued existence. https://t.co/n3MfqbCDZr
RT @shwood: @Tfeend @AstroMikeMerri Yes, it was. And while some may view it as "punching down" when an astrophysicist criticizes a street…
Torchy’s Tacos just built their entire new restaurant covered in reflective street tiles. In the dead of night, the building shines like the sun and it might be my single favorite design choice Of 2018. https://t.co/cTGTQtAnmc
Her: ...and I've got the allergy medicine. Me: BOOYAKASHA! Her: ? Me: Sorry. Thought you said the "Ali G" medicine. https://t.co/StNl9XYrHh
I may have to think our recruitment strategy. It seems to take a rather circuitous route. https://t.co/uuiNuGtz1N
my bullet points for all the stuff I'm going to say anyway. I end up skipping nothing, content-wise. twitter.com/Killam1997/sta…
Every presentation I do, I make sure there's a bunch of slides I quickly skip past, saying we don't have time. I'd like to believe it shows the audience I respect their schedules, but it's really to intentionally leave them thinking "Shit! I wish they'd given Brian more time!"
an ashtray engraved with "I don't feel so good."
pretty sure it was well worth it. If for no other reason that they know where this came from: youtube.com/watch?v=YBykfM…
Forcing all three children to watch Karate Kid tonight, so they can enjoy the gift that is Cobra Kai. Will report.
Oh, well hello there. A number is about to do a thing that will look pretty! Wanna watch it happen with me? socialblade.com/youtube/channe… https://t.co/MTwTyx1uo4
RT @StridxrDie: .@shwood @CaptainMurphy wise words, indeed https://t.co/x4hCyvb3vb
Modern rogue customer service, not-so-gentle edition. https://t.co/PcXX9p8UIV
Modern Rogue customer service, gentle nudge edition. https://t.co/XUT79kG4yb
RT @SimoneGiertz: Sorry for the silence. I’m okay. Just not as okay as I’d like to be yet. https://t.co/yJYAbExprY
You gotta be kidding me. Same day, 6 hours apart. cc: @thekingofrandom :-D https://t.co/UoMOJka9rt
 
I mean... HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH That's pretty amazing. Great minds and all that.
hahah... okay, those are a genuine crime against humanity. twitter.com/nodanpizza/sta…
*deep breath* (come on. You can do this. Just say it. Just say it and put it out there and be that guy. In a world where Gandhi and Lincoln and Susan B. Anthony can change the world, you can be the guy who tells the truth about this 1 thing.) Okay: I don’t hate vertical videos.
I see this kind of comment a lot, and it makes me wonder if @captainmurphy and I have some kind of unusually high tolerance for looking like a novices in public. Is that rare? We don’t feel shame in being beginners, and I guess it surprises me when folks are horrified by it. https://t.co/cxuZgWXc2w
Also I didn’t like that movie.
Fact is, it hard to make a movie and anything that makes it to the screen is a gift to us all. So there was a movie that didn’t resonate with me. That’s okay. They’re all great creators and I’m happy they’re creating.
Hey I just saw a movie and it made me think that maybe I should pitch some ideas for movies.
 
.ugh. I can’t even. I had this big idea for a whole string of obtuse references, like “a bunch of people you love in a movie you don’t love” and all that crap. But that’s unfair.
Accurate. (Just thankful she hasn’t found the socks yet) twitter.com/invisiblewife/…
 
 
 
 
 
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