Sometimes I actually think I'm funny. 🙃
RT @LOLGOP: Trumpcare is so needlessly terrible, such a slobbering nobjob for the rich that if it were a person, it would have to be Donald…
RT @cd_hooks: so many texans seem to think "Escape from L.A." was a documentary https://t.co/8tGfyMECwk
"Your ironic Nazi uniform is so creative and cool."
Hi a hipster here is wearing a maga hat "ironically" and I want to break my glass on his head.
 
You sure it was ironic and not just pretend?
It's too dark for a picture but the fan keeping my life tolerable right now is named "Tuff & Gusty."
RT @darth: "how was the press conference" "fine" https://t.co/xnvRwbdSIc
The irony is the republicans in congress are now effectively a death panel.
RT @GerryDuggan: Not a surprise. The bill is a much more efficient way to kill Americans than shooting them one at a time in parked cabs. h…
RT @dansolomon: how is a foreign adversary altering voting rolls anything other than a national emergency, whatever your politics? https://…
RT @ThePlumLineGS: Jesus. New NBC poll: Only 16% say GOP health bill is a good idea. Only 34% of *Republicans* say this. https://t.co/9M…
Help! I went outside.
RT @igorvolsky: Coverage losses under the senate health care bill could result in 18,100 to 27,700 additional deaths in 2026 https://t.co/G…
Remember, @JohnCornyn isn't being disingenuous, he's actually one of the stupidest people on the planet. twitter.com/ericawerner/st…
Step 1: Don't get in a room with Bill Cosby. twitter.com/TMZ/status/877…
RT @nycsouthpaw: site of tomorrow's grifters anonymous meeting leaks twitter.com/philiprucker/s…
Gotta love the fire alarm going off right as you're falling asleep.
RT @AlecMacGillis: No way Dems can win back a lot of House seats next year if they can't even win a seat that GOP won by 23 points seven mo…
RT @ParkerMolloy: "Ds should have won this one easily," he says abt a district that hasn't been represented by a Democrat since 8 yrs befor…
RT @exjon: BREAKING: If you rotate #GA06 135 degrees, it looks like a doggie. https://t.co/x5crYWn5dJ
Seems like a good time to share this horrifying piece from The Atlantic again. theatlantic.com/magazine/archi… twitter.com/realDonaldTrum…
Wonder why they still let trump on tv then. twitter.com/RosieGray/stat…
RT @indivisibleATX: Raise your voice, share your story, and make a video to tell your Senators to STOP this attempt to repeal the ACA: http…
RT @LowHeadways: THIS IS LITERALLY A BUS lifehacker.com/lyft-s-new-shu… (h/t @paleofuture) https://t.co/2jjHjWDEcC
RT @biannagolodryga: The President has woken up to news that 7 US sailors have died. He has chosen to tweet about witch hunts and poll numb…
Kyōten's omakase is one of the best meals I've ever had. ift.tt/2tAAG6Q https://t.co/wchaBwoOYz
RT @erinscafe: America, Sheriff Clarke needs more medals: David A. Clarke Jr., Sheriff 821 West State Street Room 107 Milwaukee, WI 53233
RT @susie_c: Got this ad on Instagram for $393 cotton pants available via subprime loan. Tell me again, what are Millennials killing? htt…
RT @normwilner: This Country Slashed Its Public Education Budget Thirty Years Ago. You Won't Believe What Happened Next. https://t.co/ZF0DW…
Just walked four blocks in this heat and I'm actually dead. Send my family flowers.
Bezos: "Hello Alexa dearest, I would like to procure a whole foods." Alexa: "Jefferson, you silly man, I am an internet. I don't eat foods."
Hi I have a totally original and creative joke about Alexa and Whole Foods. Would anybody like to hear it?
"Tomorrow will be 5 degrees warmer than today." Oh, go to hell.
Who among us hasn't made an ass out of themselves at a Dairy Queen? twitter.com/EdmondsScanner…
this is fine dot gif but the fire is water. twitter.com/BFriedmanDC/st…
RT @BAKKOOONN: can you blame them, look at those things. delicious twitter.com/nbcnewshealth/…
RT @TravisSMcClain: There's nothing more Republican than to wind up with the trophy from something @TheDemocrats won. https://t.co/2HgxOUq5…
RT @ConnerHabib: Twitter Has Heard Your Complaints About Nazism And Has Made Significant Changes To Improve Your Experience: A Story In Two…
Did I do the circle profile pic thing right?
He's totally going to fire Mueller, isn't he?
RT @sarahwhelmed: THIS. THIS THIS THIS. twitter.com/CapedJA/status…
RT @Rob_Flaherty: NBC's running an interview with a guy who says Sandy Hook didn't happen on Sunday. twitter.com/chucktodd/stat…
Vegan avocado enchiladas with homemade salsa and coconut corn chowder. ift.tt/2rsAYLQ https://t.co/NpUSI2sKMH
To be fair, taxes are always lower under the GOP. When the economy craters and we lose our jobs or have wage decline, taxes inherently drop.
RT @Bro_Pair: Bold move for a company with a *looks at card* pervasive sexual harassment problem twitter.com/MikeIsaac/stat…
RT @MEPFuller: This is some "democracy dies in darkness" shit. twitter.com/dylanbyers/sta…
RT @SamuelAAdams: Wait til Fox finds out there's a Shakespeare play about a vindictive, delusional old man and his three scheming adult chi…
RT @ezralevin: @IndivisibleTeam 3/20 Everything you need to kill TrumpCare in June: strategy, tactics, scripts etc. A game plan for next 3…
Should Congress pursue an investigation into former AG Loretta Lynch over the handling of the Clinton email probe?… twitter.com/i/web/status/8…
 
RT @librarian_kate: That's a good burn there, Smirnoff. https://t.co/6fJ4Wfl7Xe
RT @JoaquinCastrotx: Puerto Rico should be admitted as a state to the United States. twitter.com/AP/status/8740…
Does anybody know if we're still making covfefe jokes? I just thought of a good one.
Almost 7 on a Friday after a long-ass week. The time when my commit messages include things like 'i am dum' and 'w/e'
RT @mindthet: The best antidote against the alt-right is to zoom in on exactly any of them in a picture https://t.co/L79l3tzuLP
RT @jesseberney: How about everyone buries them in @GregAbbott_TX's front yard? twitter.com/mjs_DC/status/…
RT @MayorOfTV: Downtown Austin this weekend in gif form: https://t.co/9bV3qDe2Ak
RT @JasonKander: Because if she doesn't risk her job to tell her boss to stop saying things that make her uncomfortable, she's cool with it…
Guys has anyone mentioned how England is weird?
RT @cubbie9000: I have devised one simple solution to so many of Austin's biggest problems: thepurgatorian.wordpress.com/2017/06/07/a-w…
RT @JohnDingell: Naps are important. When in doubt, take a nap.
This reminds me of that last time they put Dick Clark on.
Is he having a stroke?
This feels like grownups doing their jobs. Granted, @JohnCornyn hasn't opened his stupid mouth yet.
RT @fordm: Re: predicting Sessions recusal, Comey says there are facts about it he can't discuss in open hearing. That's interesting.
Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Lord. Sugar. https://t.co/ztwx12lxgh
Remember when people thought America was somehow 'exceptional'? twitter.com/ABCWorldNews/s…
RT @BAKKOOONN: ted cruz peeing his pants and yelling UNMASKING real loud, over and over. lindsay graham trying to gnaw through CSPAN cables…
RT @TonyRomm: i am pretty sure at least two of my relationships boiled down to the loyalty vs. honesty dispute that trump and comey had.
He honestly expects anybody to believe he's -ever- been concerned about whether or not he's being recorded? https://t.co/cLkEXGwSYh
RT @MikeDrucker: That's what happens when you meet women without Mother. https://t.co/zDVPMGrLHe
I literally just walked in the door from a really meditative yoga practice and that is what my brain spit out. Send help.
I keep losing followers faster than Jim Jones in '78. Does that mean I'm doing this right?
RT @Greg_Palast: In an Ohio judges’ chambers, I witnessed Ohio officials admitting they’d TURNED OFF tamper-detection software on vote mach…
The NYT masturbating the trump family has gotten so nauseating.
(I know that basically everything white people have done has gone too far, but I wanted to use this construction for a joke)
White people, we've finally gone too far. https://t.co/f27JBmcWrh
RT @thomas_violence: are they suggesting that some of those that work forces...are the same that burn...crosses???? twitter.com/ibtimes/status…
This is the second time in like two weeks I've seen the church of Satan correcting Republicans on my feed. What is 2017.
Normally I like to open the windows when it's storming but
RT @RavenBerns: @behindyourback This is so incredibly perfect... https://t.co/tj0ywuQQw2
RT @GeorgeTakei: There's never been a terrorist attack at a nudist colony. Nudists aren't armed. They're nude. Draw your own conclusions. h…
 
 
 
 
 
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